Rocking Your World
Hello again everyone!
Right now, I’m sitting at home reading words from a computer, and occasionally typing them. Most of you are probably doing that too. Welcome to the average club. Give yourself a pat on the back. But don’t feel too good about it. An obligatory self-inflicted back-pat signifying your acceptance into the average club is enough.
Today, we’re going to take a look at something that discerning members of the average club will find relevant to their interests. In our very first…
AVERAGE REVIEW
We decided that the MLIA community needs some guidance when it comes to incredibly average products. We need to know how average things are. Why? I’m not entirely sure. But wouldn’t it be comforting to know that your chair is exactly 1.5 times as average as your keyboard?
The average review will use the “rock” scale. Not very average gets one rock. Very average gets five rocks. This is because rocks are average.
Today, I’ll be reviewing Boise® Aspen™ 50 Recycled Multipurpose Paper, 8 1/2″ x 11″, 20 Lb, 92 Brightness, because as the printer paper changing guy at the place I work, it’s the only paper that I know about, and paper is really average.
The first thing that strikes me as pretty average is the color of the paper. It’s white. Average paper is white. Score one average rock for Boise® Aspen™ 50 Recycled Multipurpose Paper, 8 1/2″ x 11″, 20 Lb, 92 Brightness!!!
The paper comes in an average sized, relatively lightweight cardboard box, and there are 10 reams of 500 pages per box. 10 is a very average number, and the average ream of paper should have 500 pages. Which is exactly how many pages a ream of Boise® Aspen™ 50 Recycled Multipurpose Paper, 8 1/2″ x 11″, 20 Lb, 92 Brightness has!!!
Score one more rock. Please note that I didn’t actually count the number of pages. I think it’s safe to assume, though. The good folks at Boise® Aspen™ would never lie to me.
I tested this paper’s usability under several average conditions. Printing on it was the first test. I printed a picture on it. It turned out pretty much the same as it would on plain old paper. Good job, paper. I printed out an essay and the ink really took to it- the words stayed on the page even after I tried to shake them off. Finally, I drew some not very impressive stick figures and rocket ships on it. This paper made for slightly above average doodling paper, but certainly nothing that an expert doodler would recommend. All in all, this paper scores one more rock for its averageness in this category.
Next up: the paper is recycled. Although many papers are recycled, recycled paper is a good thing and helps the earth, which makes it not entirely average. On the other hand, most paper is recycled. So, how about half an average rock for that.
Finally, the paper airplane test. We made several paper airplanes using Boise® Aspen™ 50 Recycled Multipurpose Paper, and subjected them to a number of rigorously controlled tests against other major paper brands. The findings were as follows. The aircraft configuration was the International Paper Plane Council standard V-fold delta wing, tossed according to PPC average-toss-velocity standards. Calculated lift/drag ratios all fell within a statistically unremarkable margin around 10:1. Each of the paper aircraft exhibited tolerable but not quite ideal stall behavior, and suffered only minor structural damage to the nose area upon landing, which could best be described as “disappointing, but not really too bad, and hey look, it still kind of flies.” For Boise® Aspen™ 50 Recycled Multipurpose Paper’s outstandingly standard performance, and its slightly suboptimal creasing properties, we award one more average rock.
So after both incredibly rigorous and incredibly lazy tests, we are proud to award Boise® Aspen™ 50 Recycled Multipurpose Paper with four and a half average rocks! That means that it is very average, but not maximally average. So, next time you’re out shopping for paper, consider Boise® Aspen™ 50 Recycled Multipurpose Paper as a perfectly legitimate choice, neither spectacular nor awful, and not really worth thinking too much about.
We’ll leave you with this MLIA, which served as the inspiration for part of this review.
Today, my boss left for a week long vacation. I spent the whole day making a desk full of paper airplanes. I plan to race them tomorrow. MLIA.
Pleas note that we have no connection with Boise® other than that it’s the paper that’s used at the place I work. And I can’t really imagine Boise® paying us to advertise their product’s averageness…
This was…silly. I mean this in the most positive way possible. I THOROUGHLY enjoyed reading this; it was very interesting. Loved how you measured in average rocks. Keep with the fantastic posts.
KevinSoftTaco
February 19, 2010 at 10:38 pm
All this talk of rocks and paper makes me want to shout “Scissors!”
waffledragon
February 19, 2010 at 10:41 pm
Fantastic review, love your dry wit!
Just a question: How is the progress going with the new voting system? When will the weighted votes come into play?
BelaLugosi
February 20, 2010 at 6:10 am
I laughed all the way through reading this. I mean… Constantly. I couldn’t stop. Great work
NotPumpkin
February 20, 2010 at 6:48 am
*prods*
mmbb9964
February 20, 2010 at 8:58 am
Thank you for that great contribution to our conversation.
Reality
February 20, 2010 at 9:19 am
I enjoyed this blog/commenty thing very much. Especially the part about trying to shake words off of the paper. I was wondering today about the report button. What happens when you press it? I know this probably isn’t the place to ask, but I don’t know where else to. Thanks!
iloveyoumarvindusty
February 20, 2010 at 9:29 pm
Today, I used Boise® Aspen™ 50 Recycled Multipurpose Paper, 8 1/2″ x 11″, 20 Lb, 92 Brightness. My life is average. But not maximally average.
TheAmazingKid
February 21, 2010 at 7:56 am
Paper is exceptionally average. I see paper every day. Also, I am certain Boise would love for you to advertise for them. Who would not want average paper?
TheBaddingFairy
February 21, 2010 at 9:28 am
Where is the MLIA app on the iTunes store? It’s not there anymore. Please bring it back.
ChelseaLove
February 21, 2010 at 6:53 pm
I am pretty sure that the app isn’t MLIA sponsored. It may just be the website’s RSS feed in app form. Correct me if I’m wrong.
TheBaddingFairy
February 22, 2010 at 5:26 pm
I’m pretty sure you’re right, TBF.
Anyway, BLOG GUYS: You said, around 10 days ago, in your “Moderation Nation” blog that there’d be an “Extraordinarily Average” section up in the next few days. Not to sound impatient, but yeah. When will that be up? I’m really excited for it.
KevinSoftTaco
February 22, 2010 at 7:02 pm
Oooh, thanks. I really hope MLIA does sponsor an MLIA app.
ChelseaLove
February 23, 2010 at 8:06 am
I hate p2t and I want MLIA back!!!!
Austin
April 2, 2010 at 5:33 am
my dad works at boise.
KottonKandy
February 26, 2010 at 6:39 pm
That’s average!!
Danie
March 18, 2010 at 3:01 pm
Haha, this made me laugh! (Well, actually it didn’t, at least not out loud. But it was funny anyway)
Hanna
March 7, 2010 at 11:24 am
Hi, that was without a doubt an awesome article. I had actually been looking for a photo printing related post for a while now. Thanks! I have a similar blog, how much do you charge for advertising? because I can’t seem to find the information anywhere.
Framkallning
March 19, 2010 at 11:37 am
Your dry wit is average. I feel average now. My gratitude.
fastest2
April 15, 2010 at 3:28 pm
[...] light of this (21 – adjective) evidence, I hereby award (22- number) out of (23- number #22) average rocks to (24- plural noun #9), and we completely disagree with anyone who thinks [...]
Mad Libs! « the official MLIA blog
April 20, 2010 at 2:29 am
This was interesting. The last part especially was nice.
ME
April 20, 2010 at 2:27 pm
[...] So in light of this fuzzy evidence, I hereby award 25 out of 25 average rocks to papers, and we completely disagree with anyone who thinks [...]
Phases of the Sun
April 26, 2010 at 7:02 pm
Excuse me for mentioning this unimportant little minor detail, but by awarding this paper 4 and a half rocks, does that not decrease it’s overall averageness? Henceforth making it a rather un-average paper for being mentioned on this blog. Just something to take into consideration….
Gabby
May 16, 2010 at 9:36 am